I’m working on becoming a Yes Mom.
It’s not that I want to throw discipline out the window and be my kids’ BFF.
It’s more like I want to practice giving up control in different areas.
I want my kids to have freedom to be who they are.
And I’m aware that the more I say yes to the small things, the more weight my no will carry on the things that matter.
So I’m working on becoming a Yes Mom.
When he wants to wear rain boots to the grocery store, my instinct is to say no. I don’t have time for him to change shoes. And they will probably fall off halfway through the parking lot. But instead, I need to take the two minutes to let him change his shoes. Because it’s important to him.
When she asks for tacos for dinner one night this week, I can oblige. She’s a picky eater and I need meal ideas. So the answer needs to be yes. Not a controlling no.
Why do we say no?
1. Sometimes we say no because a no is necessary. No, you can’t spend your entire morning watching Disney Junior. That’s definitely a good rule. But too many times, that’s not why I’m saying no.
2. I say no because I’m in the middle of something else–usually cooking dinner or making lunch. And pretty much anything you present to me is going to be an automatic no simply because I’m juggling meal prep and hungry kids.
3. And other times, I say no out of habit. It’s my default.
So I need to change my default.
I’m learning to ask myself why? Why am I saying no to this? Does it really matter? Or am I just annoyed right now and saying no to everything?
No, it probably doesn’t really matter if my kids want to live in costumes every single day. And it doesn’t matter if they’re begging for grapes with their lunch instead of apples. And it doesn’t matter if we do spelling first in school today instead of handwriting.
It’s time to let go of some control and start saying yes.
What are some ways that you can be a Yes Mom today?
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I’ve been hearing/reading more about this “yes mom” thing, and many years ago, before others put a name to it, my husband pointed out that I say “no” all the time. I admitted that it’s my default answer & he challenged me to not just say “no” just for the sake of saying it. Even though it’s still a challenge, and I still say “no” a lot, but I’ve been trying very hard to think before answering. I think my older children are feeling more value to their questions when I think about them, even if the answer is no. It seems the see that I’m valuing their question, rather than just shooing them away. I could go on, and on… 🙂
Caroline recently posted…Parenting Tip-O-The Day: Remember This One Thing
You’re right–it’s part of respecting them as individuals. I smell a blog post on this topic (from you!) in the future. Seriously, develop it!